I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
