Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize