So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
