Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
