i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
