How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So much Jack, so little girl.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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