New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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