john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
