I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize