Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
