there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
