I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
