People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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