Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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