I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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