Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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