Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
