I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
