do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
