i think i have herpe
just one?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
