I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
