The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Even my vagina gasped.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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