I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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