So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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