I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
