I want to walk on stilts...naked
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
