I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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