Well douche your snatch and let's go!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
