I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
