he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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