So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
