Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
