I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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