ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
