even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
