I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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