Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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