Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
