So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
