Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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