sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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