he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
