I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
