I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
