called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
