Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
