just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
