I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Boobs are out for the taking
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
