didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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