I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
