went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She needs sedatives and a leash
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
