youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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