Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
