She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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