"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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