I should be sponsored by Trojan
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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