I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
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