fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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