i was born a porn star she said
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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