By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
