OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
