worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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