i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
