you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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