The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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