the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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