Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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