I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
